King of Naps

Job Description:

Do you consider your bed to be the most sacred place on earth? Can you take a nap at a moment's notice, no matter where you are? If the idea of “napping” is as sacred as “working” to you, we need you! We’re hiring a King of Naps to join our team of dreamers, dozers, and professional sleepers.

As the King of Naps, you will be in charge of ensuring that all naps are taken at optimal times and locations. You’ll be the reigning monarch of nap time, and your royal duties will include ruling over the couch, your bed, or any other place you deem nap-worthy.

Key Responsibilities:

• Nap Coordination: Master the art of napping at all hours of the day. From afternoon siestas to “just one more minute” naps in the morning.
• Cushion Comfort Expert: Maintain the perfect nap setup with pillows, blankets, and just the right temperature. Temperature control is critical—too hot, and you’re in a sweat zone; too cold, and you might get a chill.
• Snack Sourcing: Ensure that snacks are within arm's reach for post-nap replenishment (because napping requires recovery, of course).
• Interruptions Management: Politely but firmly manage any interruptions to your nap time (whether it’s the dog, a family member, or an unexpected phone call).
• Nap Duration Monitoring: Track nap length and prevent “accidental overnaps.” No one likes waking up at 3 AM thinking it’s still noon.

Skills Needed:

• Expert Sleep Timing: Ability to fall asleep on command and wake up on your own schedule. Alarm clocks are for amateurs.
• Strategic Blanket Placement: Know exactly how to maximize comfort for long, uninterrupted naps. A sheet draped just right can be a game-changer.
• Nap Recovery Skills: Recover from a nap in style, without the disoriented “what day is it?” feeling.
• Patience: Not all naps go as planned, so be prepared for a nap that might just be 10 minutes or could end up turning into a 3-hour snooze fest.
• Time Management: Know when it’s “nap o'clock” and when you can’t justify sneaking in a nap (but you do it anyway).

Perks:

• Unlimited access to couches, beds, and any comfortable surface that inspires a good nap.
• Snacks delivered to your “nap throne” (because even kings need their treats).
• Flexibility to take naps at any given moment, without the burden of judgment.
• Endless naps, because you can never have too many naps.
• Your own royal blanket that’s off-limits to everyone else in the household.
• Access to an endless playlist of ambient sleep sounds to help you drift off into dreamland.

Learning Takeaway:

It’s important to remember that naps are not just about resting; they are a key to productivity and overall well-being. So, if you’ve been sleeping on the job—well, you’re doing it right.